Introduction
Bowser is a huge, slow, terrible character. Most of his moves are stubby, take forever to whiff and usually don't give any reward when you do hit them. His character attributes are practically a divine mistake, like his achingly slow (and low) jump and incredibly vulnerable tech roll animations. Despite his title as the heaviest character, Bowser isn't particularly difficult to KO, and combined with his relatively high fall speed, massive hurtbox, and poor recovery, Bowser is incredibly easy to combo, juggle, and edgeguard.
Bowser also shoulders terrible mobility on both the ground and in the air, with a laughable 8-frame jumpsquat and awful mobility when he finally does get airborne. Bowser actually suffers from additional lag compared to every other character in the game just for landing on the ground, incurring 6 frames of lag instead of the most common 4 frames, creating a horrible clunky feeling just by moving around.
Unfortunately, Bowser doesn't get much in return for all the weakness his attributes incur upon him. Almost all of his attacks don't have the knockback required to make up for their startup and recovery, resulting in Bowser being minus on hit more often than not. After he finally overcomes the struggle of getting his opponent to high percent, even Bowser's most powerful moves have trouble KOing.
Bowser's cursed existence has few saving graces. While he does possess a unique command grab in Koopa Claw (Side-B), his most powerful and useful tool is his Up-B, Whirling Fortress. Whirling Fortress is Bowser's quickest move: it has rare full-body invincibility on startup, can be performed out of shield to counter pressure, and is even known to KO light characters at respectable percents. Even this great tool has its glaring weakness: Bowser's reliance on Whirling Fortress results in it becoming predictable, and when baited is very punishable, taking ages to whiff.
Among Melee players, even selecting Bowser on the character select screen is seen as a joke. Actually playing him is an exercise in masochism, and only the truly insane would dare to take Bowser into serious matches. But if you are a player who would heed no warnings and truly commit to the bit, one day you too could four stock an out of region Peach player on Final Destination and sear your opponent's miserable, defeated expression into your memory forever. Maybe.
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